-Trying- to be happy in my heart.

I was reading through my old blog posts, and came across this post.  It seriously feels like an eternity since this picture was taken.  I miss her.  I miss those big glasses she always wore, along with her big clip on earrings. Nana's birthday is on Thursday, December 29th.  She would be 88.  Whoever said it would get easier as time went on was lying.  I miss her big hugs every time she saw me, phone calls at least 3 times a day, and her bigger than life personality!  There is not ONE person who knew my Nana who didn't think she was the sweetest woman in the world.  I can't believe she left us almost 3 years ago.  That must be why my babies are so stubborn and won't come down to me... They don't want to leave her just as much as I didn't want her to leave me.

 I can almost feel her hugging me when I look at this picture, and it makes me so happy!  I am grateful for so many happy memories with her.  I always tell Jordan how much I miss her.  I swear at times I can feel her right next to me.  It happens in the most unexpected places - In the car, at the store, doing the dishes.  I know she knows how much I miss her.  She always use to tell me she couldn't wait to see me get married, to have babies, to be a mommy.  She passed away 3 months before my wedding, but I have no doubt she had the best seat in the house!

Some of my most favorite memories:

• Hugs every time she saw me, no matter how long it had been since she had seen me last.
• Sassy squeezes.  Lets face it, she was sassy when she wanted to be.  Apparantly it rubbed off on me as well.
• "Are you happy in your heart?"  This question is a staple in our house, because of Nana.
• Forcing me to practice the piano.  I was NOT happy about this at the time, but am so grateful now for my piano talent that I 100% owe to my Nana making me practice every day!
• Sleepovers with Liz at Nana's.  She had so much patients with us two for a whole 24 hours!
• Doing Nana's hair.  She was so patient with me when I was in beauty school.  I owe all of my teasing capabilities to her.  She sure did like big hair!
• Walking to her house every day after Elementary.  Watching Arthur while she make me toast with honey.  Laying on her bed watching Nickelodeon.  Making potions.  Practicing Piano.  Those were the days.
• How she couldn't keep a secret even if her life depended on it.  I had to learn this the hard way.  I would gladly tell her every secret I had if it meant she was back here with us.
• Her big glasses, chunky clip-on earrings and necklaces.  Man I miss those.
• Being with her during her last moments.  Hardest day of my life this far.  There is nothing like saying good-bye to someone who means so much to you.  I am grateful for the opportunity that I had to be by her side when she left this earth, into the arms of her heavenly father.

Ever since I first heard this song, I felt like it came straight to me from Nana.  

This verse especially...

"It hurts my heart

To see you cry

I know it’s dark

This part of life

Oh it finds us all

And we’re too small

To stop the rain

Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you

I will help you through

When you’ve done all you can do

And you can’t cope

I will dry your eyes

I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight"